Water Cooler Talk from Two Guys Who Look Alarmingly Similar
All-Stars: Week 4
Well, on a positive note, we now have several fine ideas for Christmas gifts for Rob & Amber. One of those Speak 'n Spell things might be a good idea ("P-H-I-L-I-P-P-I-N-E-S!") Or maybe a mail sorter.
We had a feeling something bad was going to happen to Rob & Amber this time around, considering how the early part of the show featured something like 182 comments from Rob talking about how he "hasn't reached his peak yet," etc., so as to create a heightened sense of irony for later.
Tonight's show began with teams being instructed to fly to Punta Arenas, Chile, where Rob had the opportunity to talk to the camera about how he and Amber are poised to leave all of the other teams firmly in their dust, and Eric had a chance to talk about his continuing admiration for Danielle's boobs.
Everywhere he looked, something reminded Eric of Danielle's boobs.
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Once they landed, teams had to go in search of a shipwreck 15 miles away. While en route, Mirna spent some time talking to the camera about her team's, um, shortcomings, namely Charla.
The essence of her chat was that all of the members of her particular team were extremely strong competitors... with the exception of Charla.
Rob took an opportunity to mention, in ironic fashion, that he and Amber were the team to beat at this particular point of the game.
Once at the shipwreck, teams had to choose between two tasks: "Navigate It," which involved using a compass to wander through the streets to find a clue.
Eric wears a shirt, apparently designed by Rob.
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The other option was "Sign It," which instructed teams to haphazardly spell the names of ports of call visited by Magellan, pound signs onto a post, yell at the signs, re-pound signs onto a post, and declare the hell with it, and opt for "Navigate It."
At least that's the strategy that Rob and Amber and a few others took.
While other teams finished their tasks, ate dinner, slept, had breakfast, finished the entire rest of the race, etc., Rob and Amber rearranged their sign into numerous other connotations before tossing it into the ground violently enough to cause tremors throughout the city.
Rob works on the Sign of Doom.
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Rob and Amber eventually teamed up with the Hot Babe Team, and tackled the "Navigate It" option.
Once they finally completed the task, Rob & Amber caught up with other teams to take a charter flight to a beach in Argentina (also known as "Australia," according to Danielle).
While waiting for the plane to Argentina, Rob and Amber comforted one another by discussing how they're going to kick everyone else's butts at the next stop. This conversation was cleverly accompanied by loud, dramatic, foreboding, ironic-sounding music.
Charla attempts to pole vault her way to the top of the stairs.
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Once in Argentina, teams had to take a boat to a post office at the southernmost tip of South America, where they were to carry out a "typical act of a postal worker."
With that description, we thought for sure the teams were going to have to go nuts and start shooting people, which would have made for a really interesting episode.
Unfortunately, however, they had to do more mundane tasks of a postal worker, namely to sort through 1,600 letters to find one addressed to themselves, written by one of the teams they had competed against in a previous season of the race.
As luck would have it, both Rob and Amber and Uchenna and Joyce got letters from one of our, um, favorite teams from their past season: Susan and Patrick. Ah, good old Patrick. How we miss writing spiteful commentaries at his expense.
We actually met his mother, Susan, a couple years ago (for the record, she seemed very nice), and we made sure we didn't mention who we were. Patrick was not exactly a huge fan of the Water Cooler.
Anyway, in his letter, he showed that he has no resentment whatsoever after getting his whiny butt kicked a few seasons back.
Rob and Amber will undoubtedly try to put it out of their minds that this is a team they lost to...
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He wrote a lovely, thoughtful letter to Rob and Amber, expressing his hope that, in addition to wishing they'd lose, that they'd also get their eyeballs plucked out by wild, disease-carrying birds.
Well, Patrick got his wish (not the part about the eyeballs, at least so far as we know). But, alas, Rob and Amber did indeed arrive last at the mat this time around, and they were ousted from the race.
If we were the whiny types, we could easily come up with a myriad of excuses.
Rob and Amber express their love for one another despite losing. And as soon as the camera went off, they quickly searched for small, furry animals to kick.
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For one, you may recall that at the end of the last episode, Phil told Rob & Amber that, "You guys need to slow down a little, I think." They were just taking Phil's advice!
This whole Daylight Savings Time thing came a bit early this year... maybe their watches weren't set right?
Perhaps Rob was absent that day of school when they learned how to spell Philippines.
Charla & Mirna actually said they "prayed to their dead grandmother" to help them. Perhaps Rob and Amber's dead relatives aren't quite as competitive as Charla & Mirna's?
Anyway, Rob and Amber took the news in stride, saying that they have great families and each other's love. That, and they have already won an estimated $7 bazillion in previous shows.
Insightful Commentaries:
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