Water Cooler Talk from Two Guys Who Look Alarmingly Similar
Week 2
Poor, poor Rudy. We were really looking forward to his quirky one-liners this year. Guess we'll have to wait until he returns for Survivor: 'Super All Stars' when he's 90 or so.
We began tonight's episode with everyone whining about the poor sleeping conditions, their inability to start a fire and the lack of drinking water. Granted, Rudy didn't mind drinking the Water of Doom. Using a pair of goggles to hold the water like a holy grail, Rudy chugged away at the parasite-infested water with glee. And of course we watched Sue downing it last week without a care.
We have a theory about the whole "tainted" water situation. If we were in charge of setting up the water supply for the Survivor cast, we'd fill the tanks with perfectly fine water. We'd even squeeze a couple lemons into it for taste. Then we'd tell the contestants, "Whatever you do, DON'T drink this water! It has BRAIN PARASITES in it! You will go into a coma!"
Tom does a dance scary enough to make it rain.
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Then we'd chuckle ourselves silly as we wandered back to our cozy crew quarters while the Survivors panic about the water. Hey, they certainly convinced Jerri about the whole parasite thing; she seems to be afraid to look at the water!
Eventually Tom did a disturbing yet effective rain dance that prompted everyone to start drinking water as it dripped from various places. Apparently this water was also tainted with something as everyone began to sing an alarmingly off-key version of "Have You Ever Seen the Rain." If any of the members of Creedence Clearwater Revival happen to be dead, they're most certainly in a different position in their graves after hearing this rendition.
Justin Timberlake performed numerous, tragic "Wardrobe Malfunctions" on Richard tonight.
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Several times throughout tonight's episode, Justin Timberlake mysteriously materialized out of nowhere, and committed several tragic acts of "wardrobe malfunctions" on Richard Hatch. We really can't quite figure out why he is spending this much time naked. Our only guess that makes any sense is that the CBS guy in charge of making the Big Censorship Blur paid Rich off before the show started, as a form of job security.
Soon the tribes received a brand new, fancy Mystery Box. The box seemed like a cool addition to each of the camps, but there was a teeny problem. Three teeny problems, actually, in the form of a series of locks. Members of the Chapera tribe had to physically restrain Boston Rob from thwacking the box open with their machete.
The three tribes gathered on the beach for the Reward Challenge, which involved swimming into the naked-Rich-infested waters to retrieve a series of logs. Once the teams brought the logs to shore, the players had to build a "Stairway to the Stars."
Amber and Boston Rob swim with their log, while attempting to avoid glancing at Rich's "log."
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The winners of the challenge would win a bunch of blankets, which could hopefully be used to cover Rich's private parts.
The Saboga tribe managed to pull off an impressive victory, despite the fact that Rudy was dragged through the challenge while he suffered a brain parasite-induced coma. Jeff Probst gave the winning group a bit of a guilt trip, telling them that they could keep the blankets, or they could give each of the tribes a chance to get a clue that would lead to their first Mystery Box key.
So everyone got some flint, a pot and a clue. Well, we're not sure if Rich will ever get a clue... but you know what we mean.
Back at camp, the tribes used the flint to start fires. Jenna L. took the task very seriously. She dug right in like a trooper, and damn nearly set herself on fire. She apparently missed the episode of the Survivor: Australia season when Mike Skupkin turned himself into a human blowtorch. On the bright side, she did get a brand new, fashionable hair style out of the deal.
 
Jenna Lewis temporarily forgets that fires tend to be hot.
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Soon it was time for the Immunity Challenge. Each tribe had to swim out to a sunken boat, which had a bunch of heavy boxes weighing it down. The goal was to release the boat, bail out the water, and be the first to paddle back to shore.
Amber's gang wisely managed to overturn the boat, and they sailed off to an easy victory, followed by Jenna's Mogo Mogoans.
The Mogo Mogo tribe eventually decided to simply pretend they had a boat to paddle.
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For the second time, the Saboga gang slinked back to Tribal Council, where they axed the old guy. But they all felt really bad about it, and Jeff Probst kept saying stuff to make them feel bad about it. Jeff blithered on and on about how they just voted out a 75-year-old man, who has fought hard for his country, who singlehandedly won a couple wars and was the inventor of penicillin, etc.
But to end the show on a positive note, Rudy noted in his final comments that he was going to enlist the services of some of his special "friends" back home would be sure that his former tribemates would encounter some fatal mishaps.
Insightful Commentaries:
The Amazing Race
Survivor: All-Stars
Survivor: Australia
