Water Cooler Talk from Two Guys Who Look Alarmingly Similar
Week 10
We're looking more and more forward to the season finalé; it's quite possible we may see an actual bloody knife fight on live TV for the first time! On second thought, we think this has already been done by Geraldo. At the very least, someone will probably break a nose thanks to flying chairs as they sail between Lex & Boston Rob. We'll be setting several VCRs that night!
Tonight's show opened with the Mogo Mogo (formerly Chapera) gang openly worrying that Amber may have been voted out at Tribal Council by their opposing tribe. Amber's beau, Boston Rob, skulked around the beach, presumably looking for small, furry animals to kick. Then Tom launched into his own, unique dissertation of what he felt was going on in Rob's mind.
You know how, traditionally, guys aren't really that great at sharing their feelings when it comes to relationships, unless those relationships happen to involve a quarterback and a wide receiver? Well, we're kind of wishing Tom had stuck with the age old tradition of guys just keeping their mouths shut about such things.
Big Tom has apparently spent WAY too much time with livestock, judging from his stories.
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In an attempt to explain precisely what Rob was feeling at the time, Tom explained, in meticulous detail, about how calves go all whacko when they're being weaned from their mothers. Apparently Rob is now a cow, and he is going through withdrawal now that he is separated from Amber's breasts. At least that's how we understood the whole thing.
If you wish to draw your own conclusions, we encourage you to listen to the actual audio of Tom's speech. We admit that we couldn't help ourselves, so we may have added just a few barnyard sound effects to this recording. Click here to enjoy this truly moving MP3 file.
Jenna, Rupert and Amber enjoy a ride in the Mike Skupin Memorial Helicopter.
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Anyway, Boston Rob continued swinging some deals at every opportunity. He made a quick pact with Alicia, promising that he would never write her name at Tribal Council.
If you listen closely to Boston Rob in the middle of the night, you'll probably hear him muttering, "I'll never write your name down!" while he's asleep.
Soon it was time for the Reward Challenge, which gave Rob a chance to see that Amber and her breasts had not been voted out, so he was a happy camper.
The winner of the challenge would have the opportunity to take two pals on a helicopter ride to a resort where they would receive massages, enjoy a feast, and have the opportunity to wear fashionable cucumbers on their eyes for a while.
Amber's dentist will be proud to know that she devoted several hours to teeth maintenance while enjoying a reward.
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Each of the contestants had to swim out to a giant, floating "H" in the middle of the ocean. Then everyone had to swim to the floor of the ocean to grab a lovely hunk of pottery and return it to the giant H before all of the pottery was gone. People were eliminated with each round of the game.
At one point, Amber and Big Tom got into a rather physical underwater battle for one of the pottery pieces. Amber eventually relented, probably after thinking about the things Tom would do to a sheep in a similar situation.
In the end, Rupert was the winner, and as any heterosexual male would have done, he chose Amber and Jenna to join him for the reward.
Jenna gets her first glimpse of Rupert in his new skirt and make-up.
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The trio enjoyed a scenic helicopter ride, which ultimately took them to a deserted island where they were treated to a meal of rice and fish, which may sound like their normal, daily Survivor routine, but they got to eat these items on really nice plates.
Amber, Jenna and Rupert were also surprised to see that there was a full supply of makeup and other beauty supplies waiting for them, giving Rupert the opportunity to try on a few new shades of eyeliner. We don't really care to speculate as to whether he had a chance to get his bikini area waxed.
Back at the camps, the groups were checking out new tree mail which instructed both tribes to head to the beach to meet up with Señor Probst. Amber, Jenna and Rupert made a classy entrance by landing their helicopter on the beach, thereby treating their fellow contestants to a thorough sandblasting courtesy of the wind the chopper was generating.
Boston Rob, in a homicidal rage, sneaks out of the water wielding a giant axe with Lex's name on it.
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Jeff announced that it was time for the next Big Twist in the game, and that it was time for everyone to merge. To make things official, Jeff had everyone grab a new buff from his Magic Pottery Jar. Everyone grabbed a new, blue buff to signify the new tribe's colors. Amber started to suspect that the producers were really trying to make things hard for her when she pulled out the final buff and saw that it was yellow.
Jeff told everyone that the new tribe was to set up camp on this beach, which happened to be the former home of the Saboga Tribe. Although much of the Saboga crap had already floated off to sea or had been pillaged by Survivor crew members who wanted to sell artifacts on eBay, Jeff provided the gang with some house-warming gifts.
The new supplies included a handsome tarp, some fishing spears, and a sturdy axe that would later be firmly planted into Lex's back.
Jeff Probst attempts to strangle Kathy with the Immunity Necklace of Doom.
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The first duty of the new tribe was to choose a new name. They kicked around ideas that combined the names of all three original tribes from this season. Some of the ideas included Saparamogo, Mogomapera and Chapogamogo, or something like that.
We thought it would have been cool if they had attempted to combine tribe names from all of the previous seasons, in true "All-Star" spirit. For example, why not call themselves Pagotagiratakoramundi-kuchomaji-Samboraniantu-Maraatu Jai-Jacaruqui-Baldrakgan? That would be our official suggestion, anyway.
We never did catch what their final decision was, but we're sure that the new name will have a good beat to it.
Lex was a tad bit stunned that Kathy declined to offer him the Immunity she had earned.
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The first individual Immunity Challenge brought everyone back to the Giant Floating H in the ocean. Everyone began by holding their breath underwater for as long as possible. The top two women and the top two men would move on to a final match, which involved releasing underwater buoys. For whatever reason, loud belching seemed to be part of the strategy for the last leg of the contest.
Amber and Kathy outlasted the rest of the women; Rob and Lex made it to the finals for the guys. Ultimately, Kathy and Rob earned Immunity for the night, which included a sparkly necklace for each winner.
Once everyone got back to camp, things began to heat up a bit as Lex started to suspect that perhaps Boston Rob wasn't entirely sincere about his pledge to protect Lex if he helped spare Amber's head at Tribal Council.
After being booted off the island, Lex decided to live out the rest of his natural life as a rooster.
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Rob, who apparently studied the Official President Clinton Book of Semantics, explained to Lex that when he said "Lex is safe," it depended on what everyone's definition of "is" is.
So Lex threw a major hissy fit, assailing Rob's integrity and declaring him devoid of ethics, blah blah blah. Of course Lex is perfectly able to make these accusations against Rob, since Lex has always played the game without lying or backstabbing a single person. Well, that's unless you count when he backstabbed Jerri last week, Ethan the week before that, everyone else who has been voted out so far this season, etc.
So the game is getting a tad bit tense, but Amber is still playing strong, kicking butt & takin' names! Tune in next week, as we hope to hear even more from Tom and his deep observations about livestock!
Insightful Commentaries:
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